Memory of my friend Blue prompts me to point out that sybaritic doesn't mean, "derived from a sybian." It means... uh...

sybaritic
     adj : furnishing gratification of the senses; "an epicurean
           banquet"; "enjoyed a luxurious suite with a crystal
           chandelier and thick oriental rugs"; "Lucullus spent
           the remainder of his days in voluptuous magnificence";
           "a chinchilla robe of sybaritic lavishness" [syn: epicurean,
            luxurious, voluptuary, voluptuous]

Yeah, that's it.

Anyway, Tattoo Girl didn't show up for study... she started a new job tonight, and had forgotten about it when we set up the study session.

So (after the excitement, in which it was thought (and then disproven) that Terry's car might have been stolen) I decided to avail myself of two things which T&T's house has, which my house does not.

1. Hot water.
   
   
2. A bath tub.

So I sat in the bathtub full of hot water, and studied cranial bones. Mmmmmm.

Driving home from the game, I was thinking deep thoughts about Meriliths and vampires, when my phone rang. Normally, I don't answer the phone while I drive, but it caught me by surprise, and I did.

It was Jeni. (Yes, she dots it with a heart).

Blue Hamaguchi died this afternoon, and Jeni was working her way through her list of people to contact.

She died of meningitis.

I'm at hamner's house, reaping the benifit of having helped him set up his wireless network the other day. In a little while, we're going to play some D&D.

---

I went by the hospice to see Blue.

The nurse said she hadn't woken up in a couple of days.

There was a nice flower arrangement by her bed.

---

In the last couple of weeks, I've twice heard "$Woman's_Name is very picky about the men she dates."

I find this rather insulting, upon further reflection. What it's saying is, "You're not possibly good enough for $Woman's_Name, so don't be a schmoe and try."

Even if I'm wrong, and that's not actually what's being said, it's what I hear.

That, and "You're such a loser, you must not be very picky about who you date."

Then again, I've spent years being not good enough for one thing or another. Most of my adult life, in fact.

So I guess I should feel used to it, by now.

---

I woke up early this morning, cold. Given that it's now close to 90F outside, I find this newsworthy.

I went with T&T to Terry's sister's house for lunch. Consumed slightly dry turkey and very odd dressing. It seemed to be based on potatos rather than bread, which is okay, I suppose, but... different.

Then we went over to Art & Bushra's. That was a lot more comfortable, as it was the same people it always is when my Uncle's crowd gets together... Art and Jim and BC and Mike; their spouces (spice?) and children.

As usual, though, I was the only single adult there. Too young to really fit in with the older bunch; too old to fit in with the younger ones.

Stopped by the hospice on the way home, to see Blue; ended up talking to Jenny for a while.

All in all, an okay day, but not a great one.

I talked to nekojin this morning. Ostensibly, she called me because she wanted to discuss a couple of aspects of tonight's D&D game, and gloat at me because she has a girlfriend, and I don't.

I spent several minutes saying "Uh-huh," while not really paying much attention to her descriptions of her sex life. She once commented that men seem to have strange, lace and lingerie, Penthouse magazine ideas about what lesbians do together in bed. If that's so, I've been disabused of most of them, by my friendship with Prudence. Thanks, Pru.

Finally, she got around to asking questions. What was this about a new girl? How did I feel about being dumped by auophir?

Well, I explained, first of all, I wasn't dumped, per se.

Was it my idea to break up? Well, uh, no. Was I pleased to not be dating Jana anymore? Well, uh, not really.

I was dumped, Pru asserted.

I argued that it wasn't so much that I was dumped, really, as that I smell like Campbell's beef barley soup.

While she was trying to figure that out, I talked more about the whole thing. No, I wasn't all that happy that Jana decided she was no longer interested in me. But what could I do about it? Weep and wail? Tear my hair and clothes? Bemoan my fate to the skies?

The simple fact is that Jana's not interested anymore, for whatever reason. I'm not going to pine. I've been a piner. I spent years pining after women who didn't love me. Rebecca, Melissa I. ... and nothing came of it.

That's one of the reasons why my Ms. Right Shopping List includes the trait "in love with me, and willing to show it." Well, okay, maybe not in those exact words, but read carefully, you'll see it.

Jana isn't.

It's that simple.

As for the new romantic interest... No, I'm not going to say much about her, beyond the fact that it's there. I have my reasons.

Yes, I'm interested in her. Yes, she's interested in me. No, I don't know a lot about her. Yes, we met online. Yes, I think that we could be friends as well as lovers. No, I don't really expect anything but pleasant flirtation to come out of it.

But, various people have been enthusing over this article about what schmoes nice guys are. So, once again, it seems that I'm actually a passive-aggressive schmoe.

Probably best if I just do the alone thing for a while.

Now, if they had a young, female Grand Master, and she was willing to play topless... then you might get people to watch it.
--A friend of mine, on the watchability of Chess matches.

It's Tuesday. D&D night, in a little while.

I'm not really looking forward to it. I know that I say that occaisonally...more often, lately... and then usually turn out to have a good time, so I'll go... but I'm not looking forward to it, at the moment.

For one thing, the hussy is going to be there again.

She even offends nekojin, so you know she's bad.

Anyway.

Yeah.

Den Herr Boss is out of town this week. He left a list of things that needed to get done, of course, because he never goes out of town without leaving a list of things that need to get done. However, he's not here to look over my shoulder, so I'm not actually doing any of them, today. Did stuff yesterday; will do stuff tomorrow. No stuff today.

Spent most of the day goofing off, and am now tired. Doesn't make sense, I guess, but there you go.

Jana has her first day of nursing school today. I'm excited for her. This morning, I looked up links for her, for the program Tucson Medical Center runs, where, if you're working for them, they'll help you further your nursing education. They're a teaching hospital.

Also sent her a link to Pima Community College's nursing programs. My father got his ASN from Pima.

Went by and looked at the condos I've been covetting for years. Turns out they're now a retirement community; you can't buy into the place unless you're over 55. Bleah.

Worked on a new character for tonight's game. I'm hoping to talk Tom into letting me play a Jedi Guardian named Oobedoob Benubi, which I will confess to having shamelessly stolen from Thumb Wars.

I know that, once I get there and we get started, I'll have a good time at D&D. I also know that right now, I feel tired, drained. I don't want to go. I will, and I'll have a good time, but....

nekojin pointed out the journal of janezero to me. I find it very disturbing, because it's about a dominant-submissive triad... a dominant male and two submissive women. The author is one of the women, and seems happy in the relationship.

I find it deeply distrurbing, because from the tone of the writing, it sounds as if this isn't just play, with partnership outside of the bedroom. It sounds as if this is the way that they live their lives.

And that gets into some pretty squirmy teritory for me. Playing at BDSM is one thing. Using it as another kind of roleplaying, in the bedroom, is something I'm fine with. Living it is another thing altogether.

I'm attracted to and repelled by it in sort of the same way I was attracted to and repelled by Nine and a Half Weeks.

I'm going to stop now, because I don't think I have anything meaningful to say... just "this makes me squirm and want to look away."

It's been a strange day.

I woke up fairly early, and lay in bed, thinking about life, the universe, and everything. Turned on the computer, talked to auophir, pureinhell and rinoaheartilly at various times throughout the morning.

Got a note from nekojin, who wanted to show off her new girlfriend. She asked if I wanted to meet them for lunch. Couldn't think of any reason why not.

Headed out a little bit early, as I thought I'd check and see if Mike and Katheryn wanted to get rid of their kids for a couple of hours. Kids were sick.

Wandered around for a while, finally met up with Prudence and Jae. Prudence was wearing an old Tshirt with 'I (skull and crossbones) L.A.', and a pair of cut-off jeans shorts with a hole in the crotch. She was wearing plaid boxers. Jae looked much more collected, though she was doing the colored bra under a white shirt thing that drives me crazy.

Oh, and did I mention that Jae's drop-dead gorgeous?

Anyway, after talking to them, I went over to a camera store. Prudence uses a Hassleblad, and says she wants a Mamiya. I looked at those, as well as Bonicas.

They had the widest variety of lenses available for the Bronica. Plus, it was the least expensive medium format camera they had, and there was a wide range of backs available for it.

On the other hand, it seems that, if I'm going to try the whole medium format thing, I should get good equipment to try it with.

The camera shop I went to rents Mamiya equipment by the week, for a reasonable price... but they want a $2,000 deposit for it. If I had $2000, I'd just buy the damn camera.

Well, maybe.

That same money would buy me a new computer; I've proven that I'll use a new computer, and I'm not sure that I'd use a medium format camera enough to justify the expense.

I'll have to use my Nikon a lot more before I jump into that pool, I think.

Anyway, at the camera shop, I realized that there are a lot of things I need to learn about photography, so I drove over to Barnes & Noble. (The Noble, by the bye, is singular, and there's no possessive s... it's Barnes & Noble, pure and simple).

On the shelf of "Photography Technique" was a series of books by Ansel Adams, as well as a couple on black & white photography and glamor photography.

I pulled them down, and flipped through them. I think I'll buy the Ansel Adams books when I have the money; they look like good resources, and as I said to Jana the other day, I think it would be kind of cool to be the Ansel Adams of the female nude.

The other two... One of them was alright, but this one pissed me off.

In the section on 'choosing a model' the author gives a bunch of tips on how to find that glossy magazine-model glamor-girl. Which, I guess, is what most people are looking for, when they read a book like that, but damn it... it's exactly what I'm not interested in!

I mean... Jana's beautiful, body and soul, and I hope I get the chance to photograph her. But I'd like to find a way to find what's beautiful in any woman, in any model, and photograph that, and show it.

Quixhotic, I guess.

Which is much too much about taking pictures.

I came back to the house, moved the Fortress of Ferretude into the front bedroom, where there are fewer crannies for ferrets to disapear into. The boys seem happy with it, and after running around like mad weasels for a couple of hours, are now crashed out in the cage again.

Yay, weasels!

My hands are small, I know, but they're not yours; they are my own, and they are never broken

It's the end of the day. In a little bit, I'll put the weasels back in their cage, roll myself in blankets, and go to sleep. In the morning, I'll get up and go to work, and do various computer-related tasks for a few hours, before taking off.

JT will be here in the afternoon. We'll see what happens from there. I need to remember to buy condoms in the morning, just in case.

---

At lunch today, I walked down to my favorite little deli, and had a sammtich. As I was sitting there, eatting my sammitch, the womyn who owns the place came over, and sat down at my table.

I've known her for a couple of years, and we've had sort of lunch-timy conversations. (Cowboy R can make friends in the strangest places).

She told me that I was an inspiration to her, that she'd decided to go back to school, because she figured that if I could face those demons, she could, too.

She told me that she'd made a lot of changes in her life this week... parting from her domestic partner, enrolling in classes, and that while I wasn't responsible for the changes, I had been an inspiration to her.

So we talked for a little while, and I encourged her about going back to school.

After a little while, nekojin showed up, and the three of us chatted for a few mintues, before I had to get going back to work.

---

I finished The One Kingdom by Sean Russell. As is typical of Mr. Russell's books, it ends on a cliffhanger.

One of these days, I'm going to learn not to read the first book of one of his series until all the books are out.